Seen in the ‘Ville. WARNING: controversial

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September 3, 2010 by type1vegan

Oh, Phoenixville.  I love you, I really do.  There are a lot of great people around these parts.  But sometimes, it’s a little too easy to make fun of you.

Exhibit A

 There used to be a liquor store at this Bridge Street location.  Boy, do I miss that liquor store that was in walking distance.  Now, though, it would seem that we’re getting a Latin butcher?  I love these hand-drawn signs.  They really give me a lot of confidence that all laws regarding the disposal of… ummm… blood will be followed.  Ewwwww.  Listen, I’m not actually an animal rights activist or anything.  If people are going to eat meat, I would prefer for people to get their meats from an actual butcher instead of wrapped in plastic from a supermarket, because at least that’s REAL.  For me, eating vegan is a political act.  It’s about the environment, about reducing my carbon footprint, about the cruelty and pollution involved with factory farming, and also about eating healthfully.  I never even saw a real meat shop before.  But if that means they’re getting their meat from local farms and doing it old school, well, I’m not going to eat it, but I’m not going to protest it either.  These hand-made signs, though!  They don’t inspire confidence.

You know what else doesn’t inspire confidence?  This:

 Where do I even start?  OK, first of all, kings are not elected.  That’s just stupid.  Maybe you could elect Jesus president, or prime minister, or, hey, even congressperson of your life.  But kings are just not elected.  Sorry.  Secondly, Jesus isn’t running for office.  I wish he were!  I wish there was such a person as Jesus and he would come to Phoenixville and run for mayor.  But, frankly, I think Jesus would be a little insulted by the idea that he should be “elected” to something.  I mean, you know how Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t vote because, according to them, the bible says that Christians shouldn’t be of this world, they should be concerned with the next world, and they should not get involved with the politics here because that ties them to country instead of god, and that’s sacrilegious or some shit?  Well, fine, that’s cool.  Don’t vote if you’re a Christian, that’s cool.  I’d actually really appreciate that.  But this bumper sticker just gets it all mixed up.  What’s this talk of elections?  But, ok, let’s say that Jesus WAS trying to get “elected” “king” of “your life.”  Don’t you think Jesus would make a pretty shitty king?  He’s never around.  He doesn’t pay your bills.  All he ever talks about is himself.  “I am the way, follow me, believe in me, blah blah blah.”  He’d make a terrible king of your life — too self-obsessed.  Whatever, though.  I know that any Christians reading this are pretty pissed off now.

OK, I’m done pissing people off.  Now I’m celebrating with a picture of my friends Reed and Jess that I took from inside the candy shop that’s kinda hidden off Bridge Street (they sell all kinds of dried fruits and nuts, yesssss).

Aren’t they precious?  I just think they’re so precious!  I want to bake cookies for them and serve them elaborate meals, because that’s how I show my love.


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